Wednesday, 26 June 2013

Domestic Violence or Marital Tiff?

I do not usually blog about topical issues, but today reading an article in the Daily Mail regarding Nigella Lawson and her husband Charles Saatchi, has incensed me.

The article discusses Carol Sarler's view point on "the hysteria and hypocrisy over that marital bust-up"

Sarler argues that Nigella is "being characterised as a pathetic victim of domestic violence" and states that "try as I might, I just don't buy". Although Sarler states that she condemns physical violence, she believes that "at any point Nigella could have reached for her bag and left - yet chose not to do so" somehow insinuating that if Nigella didn't like the behaviour, she could have walked away from the situation and avoided it. When Lawson and Saatchi returned to the same restaurant a week later, this only added to Carol Sarler's view that this "hardly suggests lingering trauma"

I am no expert in this area, but having been in an abusive relationship in the past, I feel I am able to add my say that, it is all very well looking into what happened on that day (Original Article) but unless you are in the relationship, you are unable to judge what is really happening. I know that for me, I carried on acting normally around friends, family and when out in public as I felt that any aggravated scenario reflected badly on me, I would agree with his opinions to keep the peace and I would say anything to calm a situation, so no, it is not always that easy just to walk away from a situation and to infer that by Lawson refusing to leave immediately and in fact returning to the restaurant the following week, meant that this was not a Domestic Violence issue, is complete and utter rubbish. 

Sarler goes on to say that "the title of 'victim' where it is not warranted - and it is hard to think of a better example than that of Nigella Lawson - is worse than patronising; it is actually insulting."

Of course, I am not stating that the Lawson and Saatchi incident is a Domestic Violence issue, what I am saying is; who are we to judge and assume what is happening in somebody else's life? Just because someone does not fit into a perceived image of an abuser or a victim, or acts in a situation in a way that you would not personally act, does not mean that a situation is not occurring. Nobody except the two people involved in the relationship know the truth.

I hope that whatever happens in the future, Nigella makes the right decisions for herself and for her children. I would also like for any man or woman in an abusive relationship, to be able to seek support, free from judgement and criticism. 

The following helplines can be contacted for free advice and support:
Helpline for men 
Helpline for women 


  1. I read this today and felt the same. What an insulting article!! The use of the word 'pathetic' was in very bad taste too no matter how much she protested she condemned violence in relationships.

    Luckily from the comments I read after, it Seemed the readers felt the same.


    1. Thanks for your comment. I'm glad others were insulted too and voiced those opinions. I was shocked that anyone would utter those words and have so little understanding of the situation, seems madness in this day and age! xx

  2. I didn't read the article because I imagine it would wind me up no end. Absolutely nobody knows what's really going on. In the event that it was violence, the fact she went back is meaningless - most victims will do anything to hide what is going on from the world and will carry on acting as "normal". Also the fear of being thought "pathetic" is another reason victims who don't look the part are scared to tell anyone.

    1. Exactly, this article could potentially stop victims from reporting/confiding in someone/leaving their partner, for fear of what the outside world will think.